I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
