I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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