I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
