We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
