I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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