and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How external is "for external use only"?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
