iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
