what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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