Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
