Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
