Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
