This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
