Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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