if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
