Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
try to milk me bitch
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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