nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
