Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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