Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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