His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
