we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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