I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
