did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
