dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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