dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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