So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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