the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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