Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
