i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
