he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
