I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
