he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
