Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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