After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
