i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
