forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
FUCK WHALES
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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