fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
