Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
