First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
