if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
