We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
