I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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