If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
