you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
