i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
