you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
