Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
