I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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