I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
