so explain again why im purple
no
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
