I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
