Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
