If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
