he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
