Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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