when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
