No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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