she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
