If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
